Met

Opened the back door and told the guys putting up our backyard fence " Wow guys, you working rilly   quickly."

Unrolled the car window after a high school boy walked by in a bright orange jacket and yelled, 

"Hey! I rilly like your coat!" 

I'm a big girl now mom, but I'm still your sweetheart. 

Can I eat my favorite marshmallow ladies? (Marshmallow mateys)

"Dad, you take pictures and hug people you love. "
Marcus: well I love you Metta
"No you haven't given me anything yet"
Marcus: I just got you breakfast
"You kidding me!" 

What the kids have been saying lately

Me: Max! Why did you just hit your sister?

Max: I don't know mom. Sometimes I feel like Satan is playing volleyball in my head.

Me: Hey cutie!

Metta: I not cute!  I Medda!

Me:  Sorry Metta. 

Metta:  I not Mettttta!!!!  I Meddddddda!

Valentine Day 2017

Wish I had taken a picture of the kids this morning, but if I had we would have been tardy and I've vowed the kids would not beat 17 tardies this semester which is the number they had last semester.  It's embarrassing really.  

Zannah came out of her room this morning in her fanciest church dress, tights and her white church shoes, a heart necklace and a headband that she had glued paper hearts to pipe cleaners making heart antennas.  I asked if she wanted me to put her hair in a bun, but she said she didn't want to show off.  Max on the other hand was in an old soccer shirt and sweatpants.  I told them they looked wonderful and to sit down and eat their pink pancakes I had made.  Sometimes I rock being a mom.  I pat myself on the back when I swallow my need to control and I practically hug myself when I do something festive like cook pink pancakes.  

Metta then took a valentine to her friend James.  She is on the verge of being as social as Z.  She begs for friends daily.  We then went to the new house where we spend most of our time.  Nixon naps in the car while I caulk windows and trim while Metta plays/helps/cries/facetimesanyonewhowillanswer.  

After school both kids proclaimed it was the best day.  Good thing, because they have been praying for 3 days straight that this would be the best valentine ever.  

Max informed me this week he hates the learning part of school but he LOVES RECESS!  He also told me today while peeling a hard boiled egg to eat that he is getting too old for eggs.  

Pregnancy

I was terrible about documenting my pregnancy.  But, I'll write what I remember.  The transfer was unremarkable.  The initial blood numbers were great, but the second set of numbers weren't great. We prepared ourselves for a possible chemical pregnancy.  The third set of numbers were excellent and we were relieved that it had taken.  At 5 1/2 weeks, I scanned myself and was shocked to see 2 embryo sacs.  I left the hospital and didn't go home.  I called my mom and told her the news and told her how scared I was to tell Marcus.  I was also very smug, as I wanted 5 kids and Marcus barely conceded to a fourth and that was after a handshake and a promise that this would be our last.  I felt that this was meant to be and a good lesson for him for trying to tell me what to do. I went and bought him so Mountain Dew and cinnamon bears and came home and told him the news.  He was shocked, but took it rather well.  The next 3 weeks were pure excitement.  It's amazing what imprints on your heart in such a short amount of time.  Name picking, room planning, wrapping our heads around 5 kids, it was just thrilling to think about twins!  Because of my profession, I was paranoid about a vanishing twin.  Which is where one twin dies in the first trimester.  I asked at my 7 week ultrasound and the PA told me she had never seen one occur at their clinic. This put my mind at ease. I was also paranoid that both yolk sacs were measuring large. I emailed my concerns to the clinic and they were also concerned but all we could do was wait and watch. I scanned myself at 8 1/2 weeks and there was only one heartbeat.  I was devastated.  I was also very concerned that because both gestational sacs, yolk sacs and crown rump lengths had been measuring the same and progressing the same that it was likely the other baby may demise as well.  I was also concerned about aborting the demised twin and it affecting the living baby.  Some people miscarry the twin and some don't.  It was such a relief to see that little heartbeat each time I checked.  I never did miscarry the twin.  I could see that little gestational sac with the fetal body floating around in it up until around 20 weeks and was and still is a source of sadness.

I felt I handled my shots this time around better and braver than I ever had before.  Nausea went away into the second trimester.  A new pregnancy symptom appeared this time in the form of painful varicose veins.  Charlotte sent me her compression hose and I wore those beasts on the affected leg the rest of my pregnancy.  I craved chomping on ice and smelling/eating dishwasher detergent just like with Metta.  I did resist eating the detergent.

I was way more tired this time around.  That could be because we listed our house for sale and I was having to keep it show ready clean with 3 little monsters running a muck.  Our house sold quicker than planned.  I felt a sense of urgency to get something rented ASAP.  We did so and I cleaned it from top to bottom while Marcus was out of town and moved a fair amount of our stuff by myself, so it came as no surprise to me that my water broke at 37 weeks and only days after we moved into the rental.    

  

A Birth Story

At 37 1/2 weeks, and mere days after we had moved out of our house and into a rental my water broke at 5 AM on a Monday morning.  I had been on call all weekend and had just got called in for the third time that night.  I got up to get dressed and was wet.  It wasn't a crazy amount, but it was pink, so I figured it was my water.  I told Marcus I was heading into the hospital and what I thought was happening.  I wasn't having any real contractions, so I could scan my patient and myself and then decide what to do.  I scanned myself right away and my amniotic fluid was low. I casually mentioned it to the ER doc when I went to get my patient and he told me I needed to get admitted there or head to Boise if that is where I was delivering.  I called my co-worker to explain and headed home.  We dropped off the kiddos at a friends house until Dana could get here and Marcus and I headed to St. Lukes.

Once there, the nurse checked me and said it didn't test positive for amniotic fluid.  I was pretty darn sure it was, but felt silly nonetheless as I started doubting myself.  She called Dr. Lovelace and he had me come over to his office.  He checked me and said it most definitely was and sent me back over to be admitted.  

I was started on pitocin as Marcus left to get me some breakfast.  The contractions started kicking in but were manageable.  As the pitocin increased, I started getting more and more uncomfortable, until I just couldn't relax anymore in between contractions and asked for an epidural, I was dilated to a 7. The epidural was placed but was not kicking in.  I was begging for relief and asking for assurances that it was going to work before Nixon came.  After a couple bolus injections, I was finally numb.  It was good timing because I was now at a 10 and ready to push. Pushing was very similar to Metta's delivery.  I would push, they could see his head, they would applaud my efforts and tell me he was coming soon, but I just couldn't get his head under my pubic bone.  Pretty soon my toes started to wiggle and then I could feel my legs and then those blasted contractions.  And back I was to begging for some relief and crying.  The anesthesiologist was called back, he pushed another bolus, but nothing.  They gave me a shot of something else, but still nothing.  

At this point, my nurse got in my face and basically told me if I wanted the pain to stop I needed to dig deep and push this kid out.  So, I got angry and did just that. (I guess the anesthesia wearing off was a blessing because I don't think I knew how to push when I was numb)  Of course, the doc had left the building with the promise he was only sixty seconds away when the time came.  I wasn't allowed to push after I got his head somewhat out, which is torture in and of itself.  He was more than sixty seconds away and I let them know what I thought about that.  

After pain that I was not sure I could bear and some vomiting it wasn't long before Nixon came out. I got to cut the cord just like I did with the other three.  I swear Marcus was in the corner the whole time, but he promises me he was by my side for the most part.  I do remember begging for ice and Vaseline for my lips and it was placed in my hands by someone, so I guess I believe him.   

Nixon was a whopping 5 lbs 10.8 oz.  They placed this sweet boy on my chest and I cried and cried. It had seemed so traumatic (had I only known more trauma was to come) and I felt very emotional. His little head was misshapen and he appeared to have red hair..........what?!  Very unexpected and fun.  My doctor began massaging my uterus to expel the placenta.  This was unpleasant but not unbearable.  I just kept holding Nixon and crying out of relief and gratitude.  The massaging got more intense and I was asked if the nurses could take Nixon. I politely declined and told them holding Nixon was distracting me from kicking the doctor.  A few minutes later, I did hand over Nixon.  My placenta was attached to the uterus most likely due to the twin that died and adhered to the placenta wall.  The doctor was going to have to manually extract it. This is where things got ugly.  He tried a couple times to literally scrape it off with his fingertips.  It was unbelievable pain.  I was trying to get away from him by pushing myself further and further up the bed.  At one point, I kicked him in the face.  He stopped and called the anesthesiologist back in to give me pain meds. That didn't work.  I was bleeding out because they couldn't give me the pitocin to help my uterus contract and stop bleeding until the placenta came out.  I asked him how long it would take to get the placenta out.  He thought less than 60 seconds.  I told him to get it done and I would try my best to hold still.  It was terrible.  I cried and begged over and over for him to stop.  He was literally up to his elbow in me. My placenta was fundal which means it was up at the very top of my uterus and the top of my uterus was near my diaphragm.  You get the picture. Finally it was over.  I had bled a lot. Not enough for a blood transfusion, but darn close.  The next two days, I had a hard time walking because I was very light headed and weak.  But an iron transfusion and time healed all.

Nixon took to nursing right away just like Metta did.  And he was and still is pure heaven.  I'm a lousy calver and a self-proclaimed wuss, yet babies are so worth it.  I still can't believe I have 4 kids!

More and more sayings

I called Metta my "friend", she said, "I not a friend!  I a GIRL friend!"

Metta discovered a bag of her clothes she had outgrown and started crying.  She began yelling at me that I took her clothes and they weren't mine to take!  

A couple nights later, Marcus answered the door and bought some fundraiser thingy from a couple teenagers.  He paid with the checkbook in which Metta began crying and shouting that he was using "mommy's money" and he couldn't do that.  

Metta is quite observant.  She keeps a close eye on what shoes I wear and where I wear them.  If I wear my pair of tennis shoes that I normally wear to work at the hospital anywhere else, she asks, "why you wearing your hospital shoes?  You going to hospital?"  She does the same thing with church shoes.  

Zannah is having an excellent school year. After a couple years of reading struggles, something has clicked.  It has been wonderful! She reads without an all out fight each night and it is heavenly.  It has been a drama-free year in regards to friends and obedience at school too.  Or so I thought.  I ask daily how school was and what went on.  One day she said she had to wash lunch tables.  I asked her why. She said there was a food fight at lunch the day before and the principal was making them wash tables.  Whoa there, you went to the principals office I asked.  She simply said, "Yeah, but it's no big deal, we just talked it out.  I only handed out the orange peels that started the food fight." But, I'll take it, last year she was in the principals office for fighting on the playground. She couldn't understand why the girl she was fighting with (by fighting I mean slapping and pulling each others hair) was crying.  "We only had to stand on the wall for 10 minutes, it wasn't a big deal, but she just kept on crying."     

Max bounced out of the bathroom and exclaimed, "Mom! Satan was in my heart, but then Jesus pushed him out.  Not in a mean way though. But, Jesus pushed him out and I went back and washed my hands."  

Max said, "Mom, you're the best even though no one treats you like it."  

Primary Program Sunday

The best Sunday of the year is when the Primary (kids age 3-11) do a 45 minute program with singing and talking parts.  Some years you laugh until you cry and this year I did so because of one of my children.  Max sang his heart out.  And I mean sang as loud and boisterous as possible.  When he hit a verse he didn't know well, the song dropped noticeable decibels and when he came in on the chorus part again, your heart and ear drums soared.  It was the best.  

Zannah was asked to talk about a time when following the prophet blessed her life.  She told this story from heart, "President Monson has asked us to pray to Heavenly Father and have faith He will answer our prayers.  Last year I lost my wallet.  I looked and looked and couldn't find it.  So I prayed a lot and one day I was walking in my room and looked on my table and found my wallet!  Heavenly Father answered my prayers just like President Monson said he would."   My dad got a kick out of this story.  He asked Z how often she cleaned her room.  

Moody Max but He is Still Funny

Max is either going through a phase or a new baby is throwing him off because he has thrown some whopper fits lately.  But, he still cracks us up:

The kids were playing outside on a cooler summer day (72 degrees), Max ran inside and grabbed his winter coat.  I told him it wasn't that cold outside and he replied, "It is cold to me because I have black skin.  Black skin gets colder than your skin."

At my parents house, Max was overly tired at dinner time and refused to eat what had been made. We all kept asking him to eat it or pick something else to eat before bed.  Here were his replies, "I don't want to eat it, I just am hungry for food!!  I don't want anything to eat, but I just want something!"

Breastfeeding a baby every two hours triggers many questions for the kiddos.  Max was running out the door for swim lessons in his swim trunks.  He didn't have a shirt on, he turned around and asked if it was okay for boys to go outside without their shirts on.  I assured him it was.  He said, "But people are going to see my nibbles!"  Yes he calls them nibbles and after many corrections I have given up.

He randomly says, "Mom guess what?  I love Nixon with ALL my heart."

 

 

Sayings

Me: want to help me make Christmas treats?  I need a good stirrer.
Max: I'd be honored.  I'd delight to if I can watch a movie too.

Zannah was sleeping on our bedroom floor. I commented on a hair that I could feel tickling my nose but I couldn't find it and it was driving me nuts.
Zannah: Is it one of your chest hairs?
Marcus and Z laughed about that one for a good while.

Marcus, Zannah, and I were watching the movie "God is Not Dead".  Someone was not acting the way we think they ought to and Zannah said, "That is vile!"

Max (out of the blue while driving in the car):  Hey mom! Aren't you glad we have food and drinks or BOOM ENCHILADA you're dead!

Max (again out of the blue):  Mom, I'm so excited! One day I'm going to meet a really, really kind girl to marry.

Max to Marcus before he left on a business trip: When you are in Texas this week, if you eat anything yummy, could you save some for me?

Max After dropping a grape on the floor and seeing that Marcus was watching him: What? You know I like eating off the floor.

Metta yelling in the middle of the night "Marcus!  Marcus!"

Most of the time if you ask Metta if she needs to poo, she responds, "No Thank You"

If you say Hey Dude to Met, she says: I not Dude!!  I  Mettas!

I was having Max do some dribbling drills with a basketball. Mi told him once he got those down he can practice dribbling with his eyes closed to learn how to not watch the ball while dribbling.  He must have thought that when you get bigger that is how you play because he said: Yeah, when I can't see my teammates to pass them the ball because our eyes are closed I will just sniff them out.  I have a really good sniffer.

Day of Rest

A note from Zannah after we got to Church 20 minutes late because Max and Zannah fought over one specific notebook for that long.  We only have 89 other notebooks.  I lost my temper and screamed at them.  I would love for someone to tell me how to resolve these squabbles before I get to the point of blowing a gasket.
The note reads: You are mean.  But I still love you like Jezus loved all mean people, nice people, bad people and wicked people.  I love you.  Rite back.
Oy.  I feel most Sundays that when it was coined a day of rest, the fine print excluded anyone with small children.

For Crying Out Loud

Stop calling the cops on me.  We live on a relatively quiet street, one block from the elementary school.  The only time our street is busy is at school drop off and pick up times.  Maybe I'm living two decades behind, but I still believe in my kids playing out in the yard, riding their bikes up and down the sidewalk and you bet your buns, Zannah and Max are old enough to cross the street and play with the 4 kids who live directly across from us.

The picture above is what was going down in our yard yesterday when 2 cops showed up.  They verified a parent was indeed around and left. I was just relieved this year there were only 2.  Last year 3 cops knocked on my door because it was reported that kids were riding their bikes across the street.  The outrage!  The disgust!  Of all ridiculous things kids could be doing! Instead of playing mindless video games, or staring at the tube (which mine do plenty of), instead of texting or sexting, or face booking, these kids are outside making potions with dirt and water, swinging, riding bikes, playing soccer and football.  I wanted to handcuff myself once I really thought about the good for nothing job I'm doing round here.

I've narrowed it down to 2 possibilities.  Either it was just a concerned citizen who drove by or Mrs. Wilson, our next door neighbor.   The drive-by I guess could be an innocent, concerned person, albeit a lazy one.  Next time you want to do a good deed, start by knocking on the door yourself, or maybe just look around and see the grandparent standing on the lawn right across the street or assume the best as it is kids who are old enough to play in the yard unaccompanied by an adult.  Now, if my 5 year old is snorting crack, please call the cops.  

Mrs. Wilson is just crabby enough to do it.  In times past, such as when my kids were climbing her evergreen tree, or peering over her fence, she has come over and yelled at them herself. She didn't leave me out of the bum-licking either.  It doesn't make sense she would call the cops.  She has the guts to deal with it herself.  Although, I think she has a secret tiny bit of "like"in her for me, but I gather she doesn't give a flying rip about the neighbors across the street.  In that case, maybe she would make the call if it was mixed company.  

That's as far as my detective skills have taken me.  I have a blog in the works entitled "Bat Crazy".  It is a real life look into my bat crazy mom side. This takes hold after bedtime when kids are not in bed and I can't handle one more second of loudness and demands and basically seeing any person under 48 inches tall.  If someone were to witness that, then a call to the cops may be justified.  Otherwise, put the phone down.         

Unexpected

I have often wondered in my infertility journey how crazy awesome it would be to unexpectedly be pregnant.  Marcus and I comment how unreal it is that most people have you-know-what and boom they are preggo.  Even though our chances are slimmer than slim of a natural occurring pregnancy this girl has always secretly dreamed.  Many a month I have peed on a stick because I was one day late or just sure I felt nauseous. I stopped doing that years ago, because it was just too depressing.  Well, this past spring something happened that I thought would never happen. I took a pregnancy test and it was positive.  So I took about three more and that cute little plus sign kept popping up.  I was over the moon!  Marcus was having a hard time believing it.  I couldn't keep my mouth shut and called Charlotte and my mom bursting with joy!

What an unexpected blessing.  I had just set up an appointment to start the frozen embryo transfer process, we were shooting for a March or April transfer.  I felt like this was obvious divine intervention.  This was Heavenly Father having mercy on a stretched-thin, hard-working husband that had already paid a large sum financially and emotionally for 3 children and was willing to do it again on account of his pleading wife. The physical tiredness set in.  I loved it, it meant I was really truly pregnant.  The good sign of sickness came next.  

Of course I was scanning myself regularly.  First the gestational sac, then a visible yolk sac, but that tiny fetal pole didn't have a heartbeat.  I was right in the gray area, when it is normal to see a heartbeat and normal to not see a heartbeat.  I knew what it meant to not see that flicker within the next few days.  The next time I scanned it was obvious there was no heartbeat and the yolk sac was now an abnormal size.  I still had my hcg levels tested as it is hard to convince the heart what the mind already knows.  

The next month was the hardest.  I cried, I grieved, I didn't understand why it even happened? I became annoyed that I was still sick day and night.  I was frustrated that being pregnant was keeping me from doing the transfer and being pregnant. I was paranoid about when the miscarriage would start.  Would I have warning?  Should I get out of commitments and obligations? How painful was it going to be?   I went back and forth on waiting it out or taking the medicine to induce.  Four weeks later, I finally made an appointment to take the medicine.  Literally hours before my appointment I finally miscarried on my own and it wasn't as hard as I imagined it would be.  

I am stubbornly learning and re-learning to accept Heavenly Fathers plan for me.  I still don't have a clue why it happened.  But it sure was fun to experience a spontaneous pregnancy while it lasted.  The same peace and comfort came that I felt with our failed in-Vitros.  A very strong reminder that I need to keep submitting my will to His.  I'm thinking it may be a life long challenge for me.  

The Fourth of July 2015

 Marcus lifted us up onto the roof of the warehouse with the forklift to watch the fireworks.  I did not condone this stunt, it was scary, but all ended safely and it was fun up there.

 Chips and Dew.

Sparklers.  It was as fancy as we got.

Little Happenings

The kids watching TV, their brain cells dying before my very eyes, but peace comes with a price.   

 This peace came at the price of toilet paper rolls and tampons.  Totally worth it.  Metta loves filling those tubes up.

 There was no peace with this incident.  Max was blessed with a hairy little body and pulling gum off of it was agony for the little guy.  We tried all the methods we could think of.  With many tears, the string of gum came off, but that big wad at the nape of his neck wasn't budging. That monster stayed there for a week!  Finally we just shaved it off with his hair.  Easy as that.  

 I honestly can't remember a lick about this picture.

 Melty chocolate in a carseat.

 New front door.

My handyman, I call him Marcos, holding my mirror frame in an almost finished bathroom. He worked hard at the beginning of summer to get this project done.  

Staining pillars at my current "flipper" house.  The darn thing hasn't sold yet.

Kansas City Visit 2015

We had such a delightful time visiting the Hendersons this summer.  Our 9 days flew by.  Anne was baptized.  We went to a fun farm park. We took many walks.  Charlotte lives in a beautiful neighborhood.  House gawking was a daily must. And she lives less than a mile from Trader Joes, so we walked there several times. My mom, Damon and I always ended up sleeping in the living room.  We had such a fun time playing cards and talking.  Damon is quite the talker late at night.  We shopped at estate sales.  Julia and Metta tortured each other. Anne indulged Zannah.  It was a good time indeed.    

 This is my favorite picture of the whole trip!  My mom singing songs with Metta on the flight home.  Speaking of the flights, the first leg of the trip I was solo with the kids and it was rough.  Metta's ears must have bothered her because she screamed the entire flight and the gentleman in front of us was very annoyed.  The flights home were total opposite.  Grandmas are lifesavers, that's for certain.

Hair

After too many nights of tears when trying to comb through Zannah's long mane, we convinced her to chop it off.  This was in large part to seeing her cousin Eleanor with a fresh new bob at the family reunion.  I was in need of a change myself so we chopped together.  It was a fun day and no tears (eat that Marcus and Lex).  I have been known to cry occasionally over hair cuts and can't seem to hear the end of it.  

Zannah made me go first and then almost chickened out when it was her turn.  After she finally consented and the deed was done, she loved it.  That little beauty can pull off any haircut she wants to.

May 2015

 Zannah joined the ECHO (Elmore County Hispanic Organization) dance group.  It is such a cute group and she looked beautiful dancing.

 Last day of first grade for this girl.

 This was Marcus dropping us off at the airport to fly to Charlotte's.  I was a teary mess and so was Metta.

 Working on our second "flipper" house.  I worked my rear off to get it done before we left for Kansas.

 Cousin Natalie graduated highschool.

Zannah lost her first tooth!  Well, she got it pulled at the dentist.  She has crazy teeth that hang on for dear life.

Last Day of School

Last day of school for this sassy girl.  Let the summer begin!

Max Turned 5

We headed out to Grandma Dana's and Papa Tom's for Max's birthday.  The kids attempted to have their first swim of the year.  But, it was still pretty chilly. He also got to celebrate at Grandma Becca's and Papa Max's house.

Interview with a fresh 5 year old.

Max, how old are you?  Um, five. Mom, wait,  I said it like this, “five” (said in a deep voice)

How do you like being five? Because I can do lots of stuff and I get to go to school.

What is your favorite color? Black and blue

What are you going to be when you grow up? A police and cowboy.

Why do you want to be those things?  Because I love them

Why are you so handsome? Because I got my church clothes on.

What is your favorite thing to eat?  Hamburgers and tacos. TACO TUESDAY!!  HOT POP TUESDAY!!

What do you like to do? Work with my grandpas!  Did someone say soccer? Im in for that.  And basketball and soccer and snow princess. I'm in for the snow princess game. 

What do you think about Metta?  Happy, ‘cause she is soooooooo hot poppy.

How do you feel about our family?  Ummmm, good.

Whats your favorite thing to do in the summer?  Go out and go to the beach and play sandcastles with dad.  

Max is one funny dude.  Here are some things he has said of late.

Said as I was spraying sunscreen on his chest: "Mom, my nibbles don't need sunscreen!"

He got a new stuffed dog and immediately named it Devil Dog. 

Whenever we are driving to either Papa's house, he asks at least twenty times, "Are we in Papa's world yet?"  

We floated the Boise river recently.  About an hour into it, the winds came and it started pouring on us.  It was miserable.  Metta was crying, I wanted to cry. I looked back at Max in the little raft behind us and with tears in his eyes he sadly said, "I didn't know this would happen."   Marcus and I laughed and laughed, it was such a cute, innocent comment at a crappy moment.  

A primary song we sing a lot is A Child's Prayer.  The lyrics are as such.  "Heavenly Father are you really there? And do you hear and answer every child's prayer?"  Max loves this song, but he sings it like this. "Heavenly Father are you really there? How can I help you if you're so far away?"     

If we are talking about a movie he hasn't seen, or a place he hasn't been to, or food he hasn't tasted, he emphatically tells us he has.  I assure him he hasn't and he responds with, "Yes I have!  In my other life, I was in Anastasia's belly and we saw that movie!"      

Independent little bugger

Me:  Zannah do you want me to go with you on your zoo field trip?

Z: Yes. (Notable hesitation)

Me: Are you sure you want me to go?

Z: Will it hurt your feelings?

Me: No, tell me what you really want.

Z: I don't want you to go.

Me: Can you tell me why?

Z: I want to be a big girl.  You can't go to college with me.