Daily Downlow

I can't stop watching these videos.




I took Zannah and Max to the mall and UPS store by myself and it was amazing! I wasn't in a rage or near tears and Zannah didn't run out in front of any cars. She walked by me and didn't cry or whine when we left the play area. It was heaven.

My name is Lynsey. I am no longer under child-induced house arrest and I'm a Mormon.

When "thank you" isn't enough

I've been thinking a lot about Max's and Zannah's birthmoms. About how there aren't words to amply express my gratitude or love for them. We spent time in the hospital with both of them and were there to hug them goodbye as both babies were placed in our arms for good. But, a hug and a thank-you were hugely inadequate.

With Zannah, I was so anxious to get her and so scared after holding her that the whole thing might still fall through, I selfishly and secretly couldn't wait to say goodbye to Peggy. As we spent the 48 required hours in the hospital, Marcus would kick my foot and give me the look, which meant I needed to let others hold Zannah and I grudgingly complied. Peggy and her family were so accomodating to us and so gracious, yet I was stressed and impatient. I know much of it can be attributed to being a first time mom--I didn't want anyone but me to hold Zannah for the first 6 months! But, I still wish I had been better. After bringing Zannah home, I remember asking my Aunt Carol, who also has adopted, if she was happy that she didn't know the birthmoms. She said she would give anything to give them a hug and tell them thank you. I thought she was crazy, it seemed nice to just pick up a baby at the hospital, no strings attached.


By the time Max came around, my heart had changed. I would give anything to have hugged Peggy a little tighter and have loved her a little more.


As soon as I met Anastasia, I loved her. The 34 hours we spent with her weren't enough. She held Max as much as she wanted without me hovering over. I wasn't a basketcase, I wasn't stepping out into the hall to cry or wishing the time away. I am so grateful Heavenly Father gave me a chance to do better the second time around.

We recently recieved a sweet letter from Anastasia, I cried as I read it. What incredible women both of our birthmothers are. How blessed Zannah and Max are to come from a love so unselfish and so pure. And even though thank you isn't enough, I'm so glad I was able to say it face to face.

Should be

A lot of days I am very unmotivated. I should be:

doing dishes

packing (we sold our house you know)

preparing this months sharing times

cleaning and sorting through all this stuff we have accumulated

folding clothes

sleeping (it's midnight)

but instead I'm watching HGTV and dipping strawberries in white chocolate and reading blogs and counting down the hours until my mommy gets here and then she can stand over me with a whip and maybe I'll get something done.

She's Handy With a Knife

This explains a lot. I thought I was going crazy when I would find her in rooms I was sure I had locked.

Say What.....Take 2

Conversation at my visiting teaching appointment this past week.



Visitee: "Do you have a partner?"



Me: My face turns red as my mind contemplates what she is implying. "Um, yes. His name is Marcus and he is at work right now......." And then I mumble something about "we" being married.



Some awkward silence.



Visitee: "I meant a visiting teaching partner. I figured you had a husband if you adopted through LDS services."



What in the koo-hay was my mind thinking? That this near 70 year old lady was asking if I was a lesbian or living with my boyfriend? Next month I'm going to do the question asking.

Maxee

Zannah has now dropped "Baby Max" and moved on to Maxee, much to Marcus's dismay. I always think you can't love them anymore than when they are newborns, yet I do.

We still can't bring ourselves to cut his hair, even though he needs it. I vow to cut it before it gets too mullet-ish.

Max occasionally smiles, mostly when he is dozing off. He has yet to last more than 3 hours before needing to eat again, I think we were spoiled with Zannah's early sleeping habits.

He was 12 lbs and 23 inches at his 2 month check-up. The doctor proclaimed him perfect today, but that we already knew.

The Fourth

We spent the 4th in Colorado with almost all of the Gilleland clan. Homemade rootbeer, homemade ice cream, cotton candy, flag raising, games, tie dye shirts, late nights, mountain ranch, horny toads, and FAMILY. My favorite part was Grandad telling us about his life and his ancestors.

And Z still loves those big dogs.