If you talk to me regularly you are quite sick of hearing about my postpartum woes. Was I really that naive? Did I tune out all the postpartum conversations I endured at playgroups? (Yes, yes I did, it wasn't happening to me, so I didn't care) In my defense, I really truly did not believe I would ever see the day of my own expanding belly, let alone push a human out! But, I did it and it was wonderful until my milk came in and I cried. Engorgement is real and cruel. My cousin Jenny Jo described latching on as a toe-curling experience and she was spot on. For 3 straight months 12 times a day, toe-curling, bite my tongue, please don't cry pain. Clogged milk ducts, mastitis, for crying out loud, have women really been doing this since the beginning of time?? And for weeks, I was still sitting on a donut wondering if I would ever just casually plop down on the couch again. I was desperately listing every female I knew that had done this multiple times, "they did it, so can I" that is what I chanted over and over in my head. I survived, I sit my tush wherever I want and feel gratitude that it is pain-free. Nursing has become enjoyable and something I look forward to. I slow down, I get to just hold sweet, sweet Metta. My mom said time would heal and it did. She is always right.
But, what I find to be the most devastating, the most thought-consuming, can't believe it, horrible surprise is the hair loss. We all know I am a tad OCD about my hair. It is what I have going on, thick healthy hair. It distracts from my always make-up free face, nicely plays down my long nose, and covers my pokey out ears. Not now my friends. My hair now covers my pillow, finds its way into my cheerios, winds around Metta's fingers, attaches to clothing, clogs the vacuum, the drain. (If hair must be lost, couldn't it fall out from my arm pits?) I have asked countless fellow moms, googled remedies, had my blood tested to rule out thyroid problems, all to no avail. My scalp is visible along my hairline and my hair is only half as thick as it once was. I will humbly bide my time, it's all I can do.
In summary, postpartum is a real witch.
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4 comments:
You are right....it is hard. I remember before I got pregnant and hearing moms complain, it would always annoy me. "I would never complain if I could just have the chance to be pregnant and have a baby," I always thought. Then magically, I got pregnant. And it was sooo hard! I tried my best not to complain, but then the nausea just wouldn't let up. I was so terribly sick. And yes, the engorgement...oh man talk about Pamela Anderson boobs! I never knew boobs could hurt so much. :) My hair fell out too. Everyone I talked to about it was like, "really? huh, that didn't happen to me." Then I wanted to smack them. But I promise, just like all the other pain, that will stop too. You will get your gorgeous hair back!! I sure wish we lived closer!!
I love Jen's comment. And I love this post. Reality blows sometimes. I bled like a normal easy period for a few days and within a week it was over. I had a friend who hemoraged for the full 6 weeks. Crazy how we can all experience it so differently. I'm sorry about your hair. I love how you expressed it though, totally makes sense. It will get better, it will pass. You'll rock this!
i can relate with the hair my friend! bridon was the worst on me. i had to totally cut it off and start over!!! the lost hair finds it's way into a lot of,shall i say, crazy places. do you have central vac? open the canister and you'll cry. BUT, guess what? 4 kids later i am not bald!!! and you won't be either! just a little thinner, perhaps:)
When I read about your engorgement, my boobs ached. When I read about latching, it made me flinch the next time I nursed Beck. The donut? Yeah, I have one of those bad boys. And as for the hair loss, it still makes me cry. I don't do much with my hair these days beause it makes me sad to have to look at it. It was mucho worse after Beck. BUT, my little sprouts are starting to grow back, and if I'm lucky, you might not be able to see my scalp so badly in three years. :) It's the pits. Seriously, PP is a dirty word. But these sweet girls are worth it and I'm hoping to forget it all so I'll be willing to try to have another babe. Maybe. ;)
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