Far From Perfect I Am

For journaling sake, I must record the following incident yesterday, judge me if you must, but keep it to yourself, I've already shed more than one tear over the situation.


Marcus has been traveling a lot lately and I'm learning that the real single moms in the world should be applauded and kissed and have their feet rubbed. Sunday, as you know with small kids, is a day of trying not to curse during church and applying large amounts of deodorant before, during, and after the 3 hour block. The Z-meister had been in a mood all the day long. I decided we needed a break from the house so we headed to the park. While there she decided to bully two girls at least 5 years older than her by knocking over there sandcastles and then moved onto stealing a teenager's bottle of water and making a run for it. Maybe she wasn't being a bully, maybe she was just shooting for annoying, either way it was embarrassing, so we headed home. Once home, she emptied a brand new box of cheerios onto Max's highchair and floor. I kept my cool and cleaned most of them up, but explained that she would have to help clean up the rest. She refused. I then lost my cool and spanked her and took her up to her room. She cried. And I cried. I felt like an abusive, rotten, mean ole' hag. That is not who I want to be, I really don't believe spanking does any good, but goodness me, I'm far from perfect, especially in the temper arena.


Zannah stopped crying and came out of her room. Sweetly and innocently she says to me, "Mom, I fink you are mad at me." And then I laughed and cried again. Oh how that girl tries me and I love her all the fiercer for it.